THIRTY-ONE THINGS YOU'D NEVER HEAR AT A LYNYRD SKYNYRD CONCERT
"I don't know about you guys, but I'll certainly feel better once that son of a bitch George W. Bush is out of office!"
"Fuck the military!"
"Neil Young for President!"
"What kind of a pussy rides a motorcycle?"
"What kind of a redneck drinks and smokes at a concert? I mean, really!"
"Meat is murder!"
"Real men could have survived a little plane crash!"
"A Confederate flag? What, do you fuck your siblings, too?"
"Hey, aren't you Richard Simmons?"
"Could someone tell me where the ACLU office is? I lost my card and need to replace it."
"Are all Southern women that ugly?"
"You know, when you think about it, the Confederacy really never had a snowball's chance in the Civil War."
"Picard was WAY better than Kirk! It's called DIPLOMACY. All Kirk ever did was get into fistfights."
"'Freebird' is so overplayed..... let's hear 'Workin' for MCA!!'"
"Ooh, I'd love another mocha latte, but I'm lactose intolerant. Do you have any soy milk?"
"You know who's really got some talent? Ashlee Simpson."
"Which one's Lynyrd?"
"Which one's Hootie?"
"Which one's Tito?"
"Which one's Ringo?"
"Did you see 'Frasier' last night? That Niles cracks me up!"
"I can't stay up too late, I've got to take Cody and Cooper to soccer practice tomorrow, and then I have to get the minivan Jiffy Lubed."
"I don't care what anyone says; I think Hilary Clinton would be a great President."
"I just love my import hybrid; American cars are such gas-guzzlers!"
"I can't wait for the new Backstreet Boys album!"
"Let's not go to a strip club, they're so degrading to women."
"I e-mailed my Congressman to tell him why I support gun control."
"NASCAR's not a sport. Now chess? That's a MAN's game."
"This song would sound so much better with a really kickin' accordion solo."
"No, thank you, I think I've had enough beer."
... feel free to add your own.